Crazy Squared

I just read this question someone asked on Yahoo! and realized that I could have written it:

• Why do I feel stupider after having my baby? I had a baby about 2 years ago. Before my pregnancy I was articulate, well spoken, mentally organized very cognitive person. During the pregnancy my mind went a little loopy I couldn’t remember things, I would forget conversations moments after having them. I became mentally unorganized, I find it difficult to have conversations because it’s difficult for me to put my thoughts into words. I have a difficult time just thinking in general. I thought after the baby things would go back to normal. But I still feel …for lack of a better word, DUMB. Has anyone experienced this before? What can I do to go back to the way I used to be?

Yesterday Matt told me something that sounded very true. He was listening to a sportscaster say that his wife just had another baby and he believes that women get 7% crazier with each baby they have. From experience, I believe this is underestimated. But lets just say he’s right. That would make me 14% crazier than I used to be, which explains my recent episodes.

The other day I made an obligatory purchase at the farmer’s market. After Brendan sampled this fancy item he screamed with outstretched arms, “MAMA, I NEED IT!!” as I was trying to walk away from a man saying that he made it by hand and started this business with his brother. So, I tried the old “I don’t have cash” trick and opened my normally empty wallet for dramatic affect. To everyone’s surprise I had stacks of 20 dollar bills practically spilling out. Wow! I thought. That really backfired. So, I handed the man some money and started picking out a flavor when he asked, “Do you have a smaller bill?” “I have a $10.” I said. “Perfect,” he replied. I looked over to see him handing me a $100 dollar bill and since I don’t have that kind of money I said, “Oh, you’re giving me a $100 bill.” He raised one eyebrow and said, “You gave me a $100 bill.” Apparently, I have that I have that kind of money. “No cash.” [blush] The good news is I left with some chocolate sauce. So what if it cost a dollar an ounce and whole-lot-a-pride? It’s chocolate!

Also, the other day I started making a phone call to an ex-co-worker of Matt’s and then immediately forgot what I was doing. I lowered the phone to my waist, started up a very private conversation with Matt and then suddenly realized what I was doing. “SHIT!” I yelled and brought the phone up to my ear to hear the "beep" of her voice-mail message. The look on Matt’s face was priceless. If I could put a bubble over his head it would say, “Why the fuck are we talking about this when someone might be listening?” All I could do was laugh… to tears... on her recording. And the longer this went on the harder I laughed and the harder it was to say something coherent. All the while Matt's following me around the house whispering, "Who's on the phone? What are you doing?" For some reason (retardation) I never hung up the phone. I just kept laughing and thinking I could pull myself together to say something meaningful. Eventually I kind of did - in between bouts of laughter - and then I tried to reassure her that I was not laughing at her. Strangely, she actually called me back. Why? God only knows.

No, she did not ask. No, I did not tell.