Pretty Benign For a Tumor

Our family is going to church again (The Four Walls, as my mom calls it). We haven't regularly attended church for the good part of a decade now. It's been a refreshing break and needed time of reflecting on God in other ways. But we are now attending (I guess you could say) a church called Mosaic. I found it by taking a different route to my neighborhood library a few weeks ago and I looked it up online out of curiosity. The first thing I noticed is that they serve Portland communities and that was good enough for me. When Matt asked what I thought about it after our first visit I replied, "It's pretty benign for a tumor." We had a good laugh, since we share a critique of evangelical churches and their unholy union with capitalism and the American Empire.

I have very low expectations of these churches since I have an insider view (having been raised in them) and also having studied them from an outside perspective. I've since changed my views on certain issues that would cause the conservative majority to perceive me as an outsider but I consider myself a progressive insider. In short, I expect to disagree with the majority of people on a majority of issues. But disagreement is not what I plan on bringing to this community.

After a near decade of reflecting on my spiritual and cultural upbringing from a safe distance I see the opportunity to again worship peacefully with my conservative brothers and sisters and also contribute to the larger community. First, our family has long needed a spiritual home and it's nearly impossible to find progressive ones in our tradition (even in Portland). There are plenty of super-hot-cool churches, though. (Gag.)

Second, I have a vision of becoming a member at this church and starting a ministry that helps women in abusive marriages (or relationships). Since domestic abuse affects religious women as often as non-religious ones (about 1 in 4) I figure it's about time the Church provide tangible help for Christians living out this nightmare. Religious women often go to their pastors for help when they finally acknowledge they're being abused and can muster up the courage to ask for help. Instead of help, they usually find a man who isn't qualified to help them at all. Women often hear ignorant (victim blaming) things from their pastors like, "What did you do to make him so mad?" "The Bible says, (insert a verse that makes it sound like she should never divorce)," etc... Needless to say, the church is a dead-end (sometimes literally) for women living with an abusive man. Religious women also feel like moral failures when they go to secular institutions for help (shelters, etc...).

SO! I'm hopeful that I can find a place to worship again after all these years AND contribute to it in this way. I must say, I'd forgotten how convenient church life is with all it's built in systems, especially for families with kids. Free day care while you worship, indoor play groups (rainy season here we come), lots of small groups and potential friends to choose from. There are some luxuries to indulge in when plugging back into the matrix, even if it means marrying middle-class American values.