Defensive

Today was the first time in a long time that I woke up thinking "I might actually be able to defend this thesis before I leave NJ" - a little academic ritual-initiation-rite required before I can put MA after my name. I will have to keep writing better drafts of my thesis after this defense is over (even if I pass) until my adviser finally says, "Ok, you're done," but the defense is something wholly other.

This little ritual initiation rite is terrifying mostly because it's open to the public, so you never know who might show up, and also because after presenting your research, for only 10 minutes, your advising professors (and ANYONE who feels like it) will drill you with questions for an hour about your topic to see if you really are MASTER of your domain.

So... I'm shaking in my boots but I think I might actually give birth to this baby (thesis) - sometime between June 8-11. Then, on June 15th I fly to LA to be in a wedding and then a few days later I fly to Portland to be a permanent resident of Oregon. I guess I'll pack my NJ life during the couple days between the defense and my flight.

I just hope my stomach keeps behaving as well as it has this past week. I can just see my pregnant self puking or crying in the middle of the defense from my hormonally-heightened fright.

SO nervous.