Read Your Own Damn Books

On today’s mini-break I walked to my adviser's office where Matt (her research assistant) is helping her pack up her office. Upon arrival, Dr. Kearns handed me 2 of the 1,000,000 things in her office that she thought I’d be interested in: an article entitled “Keeping Them Out of the Hands of Satan” and a book called “Motherhood: What it Does to Your Mind”. She hadn’t read this book and was hoping I could tell her what it was about.Since I am always looking for a distraction from my otherwise daunting task of saving the world with my (currently 91 page) thesis, I cracked open the book in true academic fashion, first noting the date—1988—“Sufficiently old,” then the authors name—Jane Price—“Don’t recognize it” and then the table of contents. I decided I would skim through the most-scariest sounding chapters, which were “The Power of Pregnancy,” “Breast is Best… But for Whom?” and “The Devastating Effects of Motherhood”. Being a pessimist, I would normally read the last chapter first, but being pregnant and deeply frightened of the truth I chose to read about my new-found and so-called “power”. Feeling less than powerful while daily hovering over the toilet losing my breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner, I decided, nevertheless, to give this little chapter a chance. The first paragraph read:

Motherhood can be the best or worst emotional experience of a woman’s life. Usually it is a complex mixture of both of these extremes and all that lies between them. Most girls grow up believing that they will have children and that this will give them credibility as women as well as providing a fundamental form of fulfillment. The facts that it will also make them emotionally vulnerable, place severe practical limits around their lives, and require that they rapidly achieve heights of adult responsibility that few other situations in life demand are often the hidden cost of the experience.

I put the book down immediately and thought, “Fuck! Just as I suspected. This could be REALLY good or REALLY bad and LIKELY both and EVERYTHING in between!”

I don’t have the courage to crack open the other scary sounding chapters even though I have no delusions or fantasies about the joys or "power" of motherhood. My advisor will have to read her own damn books.