Monday, July 20

I have crazy eyes and you have shut up mouth.

Things people have suggested I do to go into labor:
  1. Eat raspberries
  2. Drink raspberry leaf tea
  3. Drink black cohosh tea
  4. Eat the greasiest possible meal
  5. Eat a huge steak dinner
  6. Eat spicy foods
  7. Take long walks
  8. Take a bumpy drive
  9. Drink a beer
  10. Eat Eggplant Parmesan
  11. Do reflexology
  12. Have sex
  13. Stimulate nipples
  14. "Let him ejaculate in you" (exact quote)
I am 10 months pregnant and desperate enough to have tried most of these suggestions; it's been a weird week. It is all bullshit, by the way. This stuff is just what these people happen to be doing right before they went into labor. If I were going to speak from my experience I'd tell an over ripe pregnant woman to give someone a haircut. Why is my suggestion obviously insulting but the list above not?

The only things I've heard from my midwife about labor induction are "stripping the membrane" and "pitocin" (oh, and something about sex after stripping the membrane... sounds appealing).



4 comments:

Grahama said...

you funny.
have you tried the haircut thing?

Sonja said...

It's #14 that kills me.

Mark said...

Grats on your second Ace Hearts and prayers are all headed your way. i will try to visit soon. *love*

-your not-so-little brother

Anonymous said...

Grace, you should be a comedian. Nathan and I had a good laugh with this entry. We know who suggested the last one, because there is only one person who would say such a thing and we love her. We love you too. So happy she is finally here and your belly is free from the weight. Blessings! Melodee