Yesterday, Matt found me in my office crying like a baby. I've been saying "goodbye" to friends these days in anticipation for our move across the country, which happens in about a week and a half. I think it's called "cold feet" when you second-guess a long time coming decision that you've been working toward. I asked Matt what was wrong with working, buying a house, and having children like everyone else. "Nothing," he said, "that's just not what we've been working towards."
He's right. We have been working toward getting careers that we'll enjoy spending the majority of every day doing (and get summers off, of course).
It just feels like a death - losing the ability to live in community with the people we love.
I don't feel ready for a long-term relationship with the East Coast. I was thinking more along the lines of an affair. Five years is no affair.
4 comments:
Oh Grace, I know, I know (sort of). I walk through the neighborhoods here and see cute houses, I think of owning one, having a family, etc...but then I wonder if that's how I want it!? Don't I want to travel around the world with the kid strapped to me with a wrap...Don't I want a career where I can do powerful things, or help someone make powerful changes? I don't think I know what I want - and at least you are working toward something...Press on. You'll make a new community and great neighbors too.
Grace,
Thanks for setting up this blog for all us who will miss you terribly. But know we can at least get a glimpse of what's going on in your lives 3000 miles away.
Thanks for thinking of all of us...What a gal!
As we have decided to move to Portland, this move is already proving to be the most difficult and most emotional of them all (and we haven't even left yet!). So, I am able to understand you on one level.
Remember, it's the true passions that will continue to drive you and yet, know that you can always return if all doesn't work out. This will in no way say that you have wasted any of your time away nor make you both look like failures. The experiences and the leaning on each other and stepping out together is what makes life exciting, adventurous and meaningful in so many ways.
Michael and I see our move as such. If it all doesn't work out then we will be able to return from whence we came from and start afresh, or pick up from where we last found ourselves.
We have not lost out on anything when we continue to move forward. It's when we choose to be complacent that we lose out on so much.
We love you guys and will truly miss you, as we already do.
Take care, safe travels and enjoy what's ahead.
We will be lifting you up in all ways.
Love,
Kim and Michael
(ps: if you'd like to delete this long email you may)
Grace,
I know how you feel. Take it a day at a time. Trust yourself enough to have made a good decision (though right now you don't think it is a good one).
Also, think of the move as a new beginning, not a death.
Sorry to be doing the peptalk thing. ;)
Mark, you are a writer! Even your comments are poetry.
I love you!
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