Surgery and All That Jazz

(WARNING: If you have a weak stomach or would rather not know details of my surgery don’t read this post. Seriously! I won’t quiz you on it.)

I’ll be honest surgery wasn’t the worst thing that’s happened to me in a year’s time. But it wasn’t the best either. Actually, I would describe it as disturbing and weird. It was disturbing for the obvious reason that someone took a knife to me and part of my body is now in an unknown location. It was weird because I was awake during the procedure with a Zero-Personality doctor and a Very Strange nurse. This plastic surgeon was no Dr. Kang - my dermatologist. I felt like I was out for a beer with Dr. Kang when he did my first biopsy – great bed-side manner. Dr. Jewett, on the other hand, was all work and no play. I sent Matt to the lobby to wait because I didn’t want to manage anyone's stomach but my own. So, I put my nervous energy to use right away by striking up a conversation with the doctor as he started the incision. “So,” I said with a nervous laugh, “it’s not everyday a girl goes in to see her plastic surgeon and leaves looking worse than when she showed up, right?” [pause] “Er. Sometimes,” he responded. Plan B! I thought. Go inward.

The nurse was no help either. She literally sat at the foot of the table/bed and just stared off into space. There were times when I could feel blood dripping down the non-numbed areas of my skin and I wanted to say, “Aren’t you supposed to be dabbing or something? How about talking about the weather to distract me from the sound of my flesh being sawed off?” The whole thing just got more disturbing and strange when the doctor said to the nurse, “I want to put sutures in the specimen to mark it.” So, before stitching ME up he put stitches in this CHUNK of flesh that he removed. (Turns out this was no superficial removal of “skin,” as I had imagined it would be.) The nurse put the “specimen” in a jar of clear fluid, swirled it around like it was an olive in a cocktail and then said to me, “Do you want to see it?” Weird!!! “Suuuuuure…” I said hesitantly since I was, after all, already looking at it!

But like I said, it’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me. I’m just glad they will put me under if I have to go in for round 2 on this “spot.” I’ve seen enough blood this year!