If I only had 5 days, for example, I’d do very different things than if I knew those 5 days were the beginning of the next 60 years. In the first case, I’d spend my days frivolously, wildly, doing everything I was never supposed to do (and then some). But since I’m not much of a gambler (tell that to my brother-in-laws who lost a few rounds of poker to me at Christmas) I will, unfortunately, have to live as if I’ll be around for the next 60 years.
So, I’m trying to figure out what I’m good at doing... or more accurately, what I don’t love doing so much that by making it my 8 to 5 job I beat it into the ground, ultimately forgeting why I love it. I know some people can take what they love, make a profit on it and never forget its real value but I don’t think I’m one of those people.
The university can’t contain me. No one really can. You can’t tame a wild thing; you can only hope to restrain it (and then only if you carry a heavy stick). That’s why Matt will always be good for me… he knows how to appreciate a wild thing without trying to tame it, restrain it, posses it, own it. (And, he offers the sanity and stability I both hate and desperately need.)
I know this much, I love the process of living more than the goal… whatever that is. Whenever I have set a goal for myself, the actual accomplishment of it always depends on how much I enjoy the process of getting there. If I don’t like the process I’ll never reach the goal - without some outside force pushing me to press through the insanity of wasted days.
“You need to learn how to finish what you start, Grace,” my mom always told me. Well… I’ve been doing that and just look where it’s gotten me… all the way to New Jersey.
I think my next big adventure will take me to a whole new foreign land… one outside the U.S.
The only solid plan I’ve made so far is my 80th birthday. Since we’re pretty sure we’ll outlive our men, Stella and I will be spending that day on an Italian beach, eating ice-cream and checking out the fine-young-Italian men.
Ciao amore! Fino al nostro prossimo incontro.
(Bye love! Until we meet again.)
1 comment:
I love this post---it would be a great conversation to have at Zona Rosa :) It seems like so much of our 20s is spent trying to figure out what we want to do with ourselves that it makes me envy those into their 30s--more settled, established. Or maybe they have us all fooled--and they are wondering when they will grow up too and what they will do ;)
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