Now, I have always been Matt's wife in circles that Matt frequents without me (like his work or his friends) but it comes as a shock to me that the very institution that I will be dumping money into for the next couple of years does not even know my name. As far as they are concerned I am the wife of Matthew.
Here is what I'm talking about. Various offices/people have said the following things to me:
- Business office - "Oh! You're a student, too?"
- Residential Life office - "Oh! You're a student, too?"
- Financial Aid advisor (speaking on the phone) said "Yes, I'm meeting with Matt's wife right now."
- Technical Services - "I cannot give you the password for your voice mail. Matt will have to come in and pick that up because your name is not on the account." "No, we can't add you to the account."
That is just an example of my welcome here at Drew and I am quite sure that I am leaving out a few other choice examples. I feel like yelling "Yes, even though I hold the title 'wife' I, too, am a student at this very university!"
I'm afraid soon I'll be surprised that I go to school here, too.
The differential treatment that I've received from the faculty has been less associated with the "wife of" syndrome and more telling of the fact that he is on the Ph.D. track and I'm only getting my Masters degree.
I've decided to divorce Matt and tell him to get an apartment nearby (but visit often, if you know what I mean). Okay, maybe that is a bit reactionary. I'm just tired of loving what I have with Matt but finding that other people view me as his possession and owned property. I guess that's how the whole marriage business started... So, sign me up!
8 comments:
Remember as newlyweds, when it was just the funnest/weirdest thing to be introduced as "my wife."
Don't let those eastcoasters get you down. Remember that Matt's wife has a magnetic personality.
And if all else fails, stay in bed with Harry Potter.
If anyone can expose this sexism for what it is while drawing together a productive and caring community it will be you, Grace. I have full confidence that when people begin to truly interact with you, as YOU (A WOMAN, AN INDIVIDUAL, A STUDENT), the truth will reveal their wrongs and only EN-COURAGE them to aplologetically change their ways. At least this is my prayer for them, this institution's salvation and the well-treatment of all, especially those less/disregarded in our world.
Keep your chin up, and don't let this shit keep you down, it's too important!
Thanks "girls" (A.K.A. "women"). I love that I have so much support and it doesn't take living on the same U.S. coast to feel it. I'll keep up you your blogs, too. It's great fun!
Hey Grace-welcome to the other side of American culture who still hold to male dominance. Keep your chin up with a sincere smile on it remembering who you are in your 1st identity in Christ and love them. Your magnetic personality will eventually win them over to your way of thinking. There is a chance they can be set free too.
Mark, You are too cool. The person that should be blogging is you. You have a way with words... you can turn them into mental images quicker than a New York cab driver on speed.
You should consider it...
sooo funny. i like your spirit. many years ago, because my mom experienced so often the same thing that you're describing, someone made some mugs for them- "Cheri" and "Cheri's husband." I'm sure that soon the people there will acknowledge you for more than who you're married to. If not, they're pretty dense.
God bless you and Matt out there- praying for you! :)
hannah
Thanks Hannah. When I send my friend and her husband letters I address it to "Mr. and Mrs. Lori McRivetter" just to spite the fact that the school that they BOTH went to (not even married at the time) now sends them mail addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Jeff McVay".
I'll keep workin' on ya Mark. Maybe you'll do a blog for people that you don't know and get so popular that someone will offer you a book deal. ("The Random and Misc. Thoughts of an Honest Chap" it could be called.) :)
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